My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dick very happy bro
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
