i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Someone came in the potted fern
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
