a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
