I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
