Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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