her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
