She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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