i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
