I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
