The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
