I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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