We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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