I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
