its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
