The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize