Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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