I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
