you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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