I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
