they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
