Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
