He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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