Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
