Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
