Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
