And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have aggressive nipples.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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