I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
