my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just googled if crying burns calories
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
