Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
