I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
