when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
