Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
