Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
