You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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