we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
