Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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