as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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