I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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