he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
