...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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