just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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