I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
