Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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