I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
