He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize