I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
