a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
