how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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