I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
