You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize