i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
