She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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