At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
