Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
