Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
