Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
