why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize