Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she smelled like a LAN party
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
