Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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