Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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