I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Never underestimate the power of titties
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
