Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
