I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
