You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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