I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
