i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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