You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
