i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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