I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
